I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
