Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
