I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
