apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
