I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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