I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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