im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
