So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
