Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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