god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
