I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
