yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
