I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize