Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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