Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
