Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
