everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
