We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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