I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
