found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
