I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
