I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
