i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
