when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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