If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
