Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
