I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
