Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
