There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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