I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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