i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
