Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
