I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
