her vagine was all disorganized.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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