dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize