He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
