I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
