The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
