Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
