Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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