Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
