If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
