Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
