Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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