Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
