i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
