you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
