i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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