Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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