Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
