for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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