Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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