Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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