can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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