slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
