When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
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Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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