I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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