a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
