I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
