my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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