I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
BRING THE BAGELS
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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