his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
