This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Holy shit dude........stairs
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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