omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
