I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
